here’s a question for anyone involved in the business of being a “professional” artist: when do you quit? when do you step back and say ‘ok. i’ve given this creative thing a run for the money and it just doesn’t seem to be working out. i think it’s time i go and fill out some job applications at Target and Trader Joe’s'? what has to happen in order for you to make that kind of a decision? when you’re down to your last $20? when you’re arranging for settlement payment plans with your creditor’s attorney in lieu of going to court? when it looks like you’re about to be homeless? where is that line, that kind of breaking point when you just say, ‘i can’t do it anymore’?
it seems to me, as a “professional” artist, there are no absolutes here. these are very difficult questions (and situations) that can very easily arise when one decides to remove all focus from the “reality” of bills and society and decides to place all attention on the creation of one’s art (with the obvious intent to eventually make one’s living off of said art). one thing’s for sure. there’s never a shortage of opinions. family and friends certainly seem to enjoy weighing in on the issue. even artists who have gone before in either a successful or unsuccessful fashion, feel an urge to spew their wisdom on this topic. they write “how to” books and manuals on how to succeed as an artist. some of them are helpful. even the advice of non-industry folks can prove handy. lawyers, accountants, business coaches, etc.
in the end, however, none of those folks are living my life. they don’t wake up as me in the morning. they don’t know the thrill of being me when i’m in the midst of a home concert and i’m into a song i’ve played a thousand times before and i find something new and exciting in it. they don’t know the thrill of being me when i type out three entire stanzas of lyrics in five minutes as if someone’s whispering them in my ear. they don’t know the thrill of being me when i know that i’m onto something, that i know exactly how to be me, creatively. they don’t know that this stuff can’t be predicted, arranged, structured, inherited and it most definitely can never be practical. this is the ultimate in letting go. there are so many forces at work when one creates. art is not mathematical. it’s not an equation. and neither, for that matter, is someone’s taste. how can you explain that for every 500 people who love a specific song, you can most assuredly find 500 people who despise that same song? art is not exact. art can not be tamed. art is emotion. art is expression in its highest form that is created from the barest of inspirations: feelings. how the artist feels when creating their work determines how that work will communicate with those who experience the finished product. art is everything. it’s everything and it’s everywhere. everywhere you look you can see, hear, smell, taste the direct result of someone’s emotional creative expression. whether they poured their souls into the work or not, that expression is everywhere. and for every work of art, there is an admirer ready to enjoy it. there will never be a lack of artists and there will never be a lack of art lovers.
i don’t know about anyone else but i can’t turn my “artist voice” off. that voice that pushes and shoves me in the head to keep moving forward, creatively. i’m never satisfied. i always want to work. i always want to be heading somewhere with the work i create and i most definitely feel the drastic and explosive desire to share my work with the world. no one can determine another’s place in the world. i know my dad had his thoughts on where i belonged. but he’s been dead for 19 years. my mom, my wife, my son, my friends. no one can walk my path. i must do this thing. i must see it through. music and creativity chose me and it seems i had very little say in the matter. i don’t care though. nothing has ever come close to the feeling i get when i create. only i can say when i’ve had enough and i don’t think that’s point is coming very soon. because what else would i do? trade action for dollars? trade my extremely valuable time for pennies that aren’t going to cover my costs in a million years? it’s a gamble but isn’t everything? who has security? who really is secure in life? in finances? no one. things happen all the time. so it’s a gamble but i’m worth it. my state of mind is worth it. the way i feel when i look in the mirror is worth it. it’s worth it to me to know that i stuck it out. that i believed that what i do is worthy of the greatest of honors. it doesn’t have to be art. it can be anything. anything that makes you feel as though you really belong here on this planet and that you gave it everything you had.
for me, there is no line, there is no breaking point. i came here to create. i came here to do this thing that i do and i came here to watch it become everything that i want it to become. how many hard luck stories could have become success stories had the subject simply hung in for one more day? defeat is something that is accepted, it’s never forced upon anyone. defeat is something that happens inside. i’ve heard unbelievably terrible misfortunes that were weathered and turned into virtual miracles. no one is exempt from possibility. no one is excused from opportunity. it’s always there waiting, hoping we’ll grab onto it and seize it. so, yes, i will keep going. for me, there is no alternative and i really don’t want one. i love the work that i do and love having the opportunity to create it. i will follow my bliss and i know it will lead me on the greatest of journeys.
